Jan 06

WTF Friday – WTF is this pounding in my head?!?

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Migraines are fucking balls, y’all. I don’t get them nearly as often as I used to, but when I do, I am on my ass for a minimum of 12 hours. And yet, there is a distinct possibility that it exists as some sort of Sleeper Superpower for me. Take Wednesday for example –

I went to bed Tuesday night with a massive throbbing at the base of my skull, knowing full well that I would not be going to work the next day. I woke up with a mouth dryer than an 80 year old vagina, and the trademark sensitivity to light that I like to refer to as sensory stabbiness. So I called into work, drew the curtains, turned out all the lights in the house, set the TV to volume 4, and hunkered down on the couch for about 5 hours. By noon, the headache was still there, but I was overcome with the need to be productive.

I removed every speck of clutter from the living and dining rooms, I filed old paperwork, I sorted craft supplies, I made a cross stitch pattern – Yes, a whole cross stitch pattern! I went to Target and bought a lamp for my bookcase, and because that still wasn’t enough light for me, I strung Christmas lights on the shoji screen behind my TV.

Backlit Shoji Screen
I was a woman on fire (seriously – I was running a low grade fever by this point). I went to bed exhausted and woke up with still thundering sledgehammer head, but well enough to go to the office, where I proceded to do six and a half hours of work in three hours. I’m telling you, given the right level of headache, I could be sufficiently motivated to build a house. Unfortunately, by noon I had exhausted my work and myself and the headache was back. I went home after my 11:30 showing for a nap and awoke STARVING.

Starving is ADORABLE!

Since I have made a commitment to making meal plans and cooking more, and posting these recipes for my adoring (or mildly disinterested) readers, I figured I’d take advantage of my Wonder Woman headache superpowers, and post a recipe that several people have been inquiring about: Turkey Enchiladas.

Just a side note before we get started – I live in a decently sized apartment where one of the few downsides is the insultingly small Mickey Mouse kitchen. I have NO counterspace and thus, limited storage space for my cooking arsenal, and I’m certain that the formica counters and cabinets haven’t been updated since 1985. Any photos I post where my kitchen appears cluttered, stained, or otherwise dirty are just bad photography. And if you don’t believe me, you can lick the lemony Mr. Clean goodness off my floors and kiss the darkest part of my white bubble butt.

***Disclaimer***  I cook with booze. A LOT of booze. Brandy, sherry, wine, tequila, rum… no meal is safe. I’m like Martha Stewart with a personality. Sandra Lee without alcohlic denial.  Giada de Laurentiis without the shameless baring of cleavage. (Cleavage available upon request). If you’re someone who doesn’t imbibe, just substitute an appropriate type of broth, but don’t be surprised if you end up having to fake your mouthgasm, and really, doing that is only hurting yourself.

Turkey Enchiladas

2-3 pounds of leftover roasted turkey – light meat, dark meat – it’s at the chef’s pleasure
1- 4oz can diced green chilis
3-4 diced, seeded jalepenos
1/2 cup finely diced onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 cup chicken broth, plus 1/2 cup
1/2 cup tequila – cheap is fine, unless you plan on doing a victory shot during the preparation, in which case I recommend a silver varietal of top shelf quality.
3 tbsp chili powder
3 tbsp cumin
1 tsp oregano
Salt and pepper to taste
1 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups cheese, divided (I recommend pepper jack, but Ken can’t abide spicy, so we use sharp cheddar)
12 corn tortillas
1- 29 oz can enchilada sauce, green or red to taste (That’s right, bitches – I use canned sauce. I’ve made my own in the past and discovered that it’s not a taste sacrifice to use the canned stuff. Suck it, purists.)

First and foremost, melt 2 tbsp of buttery love in a medium sauce pan. If you’re going for healthy, use olive oil instead. Saute the onion, garlic, chilis and jalepenos until tender. Add the tequila and reduce by half. Add chicken broth, turkey meat, and spices. Reduce heat to medium low, slap a cover on it, and let it cook down until the turkey falls apart when stabbed with a fork.

When the turkey is shredded and your house smells like heaven, add the other 1/2 cup chicken broth sour cream and 1 cup of the cheese. Stir until melted, remove from heat. Preheat your oven to 375.


This is my least favorite part – while the oven is heating, you’ll need to fry the tortillas in a little bit of vegetable oil (I like canola) to keep them from falling apart when you roll them. As each one come off the skillet, drop a heaping spoonful of turkey filling in them. If you’re one of those decadent cheese addicts (I’m looking at you, Dani), you can sprinkle a little extra during this step. Fold into thirds and place in a 13×9 baking dish, seam down. Repeat until all the filling is gone, or all your tortillas are gone.

Open up that big ol’ can of enchilada sauce. Dump unceremoniously over the whole pan. Sprinkle with the remaining 1/2 cup of cheese and bake 20-25 minutes until bubbly. Serve with beans and rice.

Spanish Rice

1 cup rice
1 tomato, seeded and diced
1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 Tbsp Cumin
1 Tbsp salt
1 1/2 cups chicken broth

Saute the rice in 1 tbsp olive oil. Make sure all the grains are well coated and toast until golden brown. Add the spices and the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Add the tomato and pepper, reduce heat to low, cover and simmer 20 minutes. Fluff with a fork and serve.

Cheater Refried Beans

Buy a 15 oz can of refried beans. Open it.

This is as close as you'll ever get to seeing me give a blow job on the internet.

Add 2 heaping spoonfuls of salsa. Stir well and microwave for 2 minutes.

Hey, adding enhancements is cooking, even if the microwave is involved.

Don’t give me that look – it’s practically a freaking garnish. It only needs to not taste like pasty ass to be good. Just eat it, mmkay?

Nosh on, people! I’ll be back Monday with our first official Chez Moi segment!


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  1. Dani

    I hear you on the migraines… ugh. Meanwhile, I am going to make those enchiladas, believe you me. And I’m all about canned sauce. And canned frijoles refritos. To quote the Anit-Christ, Rachael Ray, “YUMMMMO!”

  2. Dani

    Christ on a fucking cross, y’all… I hate captcha codes!!!!!!!!!!!!! It took me 5 tries to get it right.
    Dani recently posted..Moobs: The Men, The MysteryMy Profile

    1. admin

      I need to find a way to make my captcha codes say mildly obscene things.

  3. Jo

    Damn, I want some of your headache superpowers! Mine just make me lay around moaning about not feeling good. I’m so jealous!

    1. admin

      Oh, there was plenty of moaning and not feeling good. I imagine it’s the equivalent of what Wolverine feels like when those adamantium claws come shooting out of his body.

  4. Jen

    Holy Jalepenos, you had me at “buttery love”. Those enchiladas sound AMAZING!!!
    Jen recently posted..Imma be Famous, Bitches!My Profile

    1. admin

      They were pretty tasty. I figure there has to be *something* in them that you can have, right?

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