I cannot get over Mother Nature’s perfect little March Madness Mindfuck. It is March 15th and I have the air conditioning on because it’s 78 degrees outside. I’m pretty sure it was still snowing at this time last year. I’m even more thrilled by the fact that I get to be out of the office for appointments this afternoon where I’ll have an opportunity to stick it to an asshole tenant in absolutely brilliant weather. I may be driving to the Locus of Redneck Gothic, but it beats administration.
It's like some kind of reverse special ed where they just get progressively dumber with every tooth they lose.
And not a god damn moment too soon. It’s like the Floodgates of Bugfuck on a full moon opened a direct portal to my office and there’s no end to the stupid that’s been pouring in here.
For the past week, I’ve been dealing with some tenants out in the aforementioned Locus of Redneck otherwise known as Sun Prairie who can’t seem to just get along. Apparently, one of the tenants who is a big hunter has been manufacturing skunk urine for sale out of his apartment. If that weren’t enough WTF factor for you, he’s been opening the tupperware containers it’s being stored in to piss off his neighbors.
Yes, Skunk Pee.
So I’ve been in and out of mediation with the tenants, the health department, the building inspector, and the tenants again, all while trying to lease the apartments for this summer. Given how warm it’s been, the smell has started overpowering the apartments, and showings are not going well. The good news is, skunk guy is pissed off and decided not to renew his lease. The bad news is, I don’t know if his apartment will even be tenable when he moves out. I see another gut job coming on…
- It’s like Eau d’Hot Summer Day up in this bitch.
When I got in this morning, I had 2 voicemail messages from tenants who wanted to report issues with their 3rd roommate. Apparently, she’s gone off the deep end since the beginning of the semester and has become seriously manic to the point of threatening suicide.
WHY ARE YOU CALLING MEEEEEE?!?!?!?
Let’s ignore for a moment that I don’t mediate disputes among roommates. When your roommate is threatening harm to herself or others, do you first call her parents, the police, or your landlord? I would have accepted, in order, Police and then Parents. Not me. I cannot do a thing about that situation unless one of you has an injunction or protection order. Talking to my boss because you didn’t like the answer I gave you is also not going to solve your problem. If you’re a decent human being, you’ll stop being a pussy and call the police to come put her in the bouncy house on a psych hold and they’ll call her parents for you. Two birds, one stone. See how easy that was?
On top of phone noise and incessant crying, we’ve also got a landscaping company parked in our lot to cut down a dead tree. The guys doing the work are a bunch of leathery old hippies with keg bellies and no shirts. Yummy. On top of that, I went out to my car to run an errand and found one of the temps from the office next door watching them and rubbing his chest under his shirt. Ew.
And then in the greatest moment of WTF for the week thus far, I was notified that I won tickets to the Elton John concert next Thursday. Apparently, one of the tables I visited at the Whiskey Taste on Monday drew my name as a random winner. I would rather have had the TV they were giving away, but for tickets that are $120 each at face value, I can’t complain. So that’s neat, I guess. I won’t be going to the concert, but it’s nice to know I’m a winner. Especially here in a week that I cannot win for losing.
Helloooooooo weekend! How was everyone else’s week?