I’m not much of a bug person. Outside of an eight year old boy, who is? A spider here and there? That’s cool. They eat bugs and I’m happy to have them as long as they don’t eat my face. Ants? Sure. Just keep it outside, freakshow. Cockroaches? Never okay. Kill that shit with fire. Bedbugs? Even the idea makes my skin crawl. And then itch. And then I scratch uncontrollably until I’m a big seething welt of insect hatred. That said, insect infestations of any kind give me the “full-body-shudder-I’m-paralyzed-by-ick” willies.
So imagine my delight this morning when one of my tenants who isn’t a complete and total fucktard called to report that he found bedbugs in his apartment. As soon as I took down his info and called the pest control company, my skin started itching everywhere, even though I haven’t even been to that building in over a month. My neighbors across the hall confided in us that the tenants before them had a bedbug infestation and they’re still fighting it off, so I’m ridiculously anal about checking nooks, crannies, and mattresses in our apartment for evidence of them.
While I haven’t found evidence of these critters in my own domicile, I ain’t takin’ no damn chances! I went to the garden center at lunch and bought a bottle of diatomaceous earth to treat the apartment with. While I was there, I ran across a section of the store devoted to “fairy gardening.” For those unfamiliar with this concept, it is the practice of crafting a small, outdoor dollhouse from itty-bitty garden components and teensy-weensy furniture to entice fairies to come live in your garden. It’s a cute idea if you’ve got small children, but I can’t imagine devoting a great deal of time to it as an adult. One woman was arguing with a sales woman over whether sphagnum moss or mood moss looks more like real grass, as she was buying up itsy bitsy bird baths. By her own admission, she does not have children. She just “believes in the awesome magical powers of fairies.”
In other hilarious internet trolling news, Matt Inman of The Oatmeal is delivering a righteous bitch slap of internet justice to the owners of Funnyjunk.com for their blatant cash grab at his expense. I recommend going over the Oatmeal blog and reading the whole thing in all its fucked up glory, but I’ll give you the nutshell version if you’re too lazy to clicky the linky. Basically, they hosted his content on their site without credit, profited from the ads, and are now attempting to sue him for $20k over a year later for what they are trying to call libel, slander, or some other bullshit. Meanwhile, they’re still violating DCMA while hosting HUNDREDS of his items. (Literally hundreds – I got a cramp in my wrist scrolling through it all.)
To quote my new hero, Matt:
“You want ME to pay YOU $20,000 for hosting MY unlicensed comics on your SHITTY website for the past three years? No. I’ve got a better idea.
I’m going to try and raise $20,00 in donations. I’m going to take a photo of the raised money. I’m going to mail you that photo, along with this drawing of your mom seducing a Kodiak bear.
I’m going to take the money and donate one half to the National Wildlife Federation and the other half to the American Cancer Society.”
And so he has. He raised the initial $20k in an hour and it’s at $150k and climbing as we speak.
Cockknockers’ attorney has been completely unprepared for this response, and made the following idiotic comments in an interview:
“I really did not expect that he would marshal an army of people who would besiege my website and send me a string of obscene emails.”
Dude! Have you ever been on the fucking internet? Do you not read legal journals? Did you never see anything on TV or in the newspaper about the Regretsy/Paypal incident that caused Paypal users to abandon the service en masse?
“I’m completely unfamiliar really with this style of responding to a legal threat — I’ve never really seen it before. I don’t like seeing anyone referring to my mother as a sexual deviant.”
Again, you’ve clearly never spent any time on the internet, or 4-chan.
“It’s an education in the power of mob psychology and the Internet.”
And yet you will learn absolutely nothing from this, you ignoble, money grubbing fucktwaddle.
I will leave you today with this marvel of modern retail wizardry, also found at the garden center during my lunch break:
Yes. Birds love hot sauce, while squirrels are apparently so repulsed by it that flame shoots out of their squirrely little asses. Or maybe that’s a tail. Whatever. I was tempted to buy this and test it on my tacos, but it was $10 a bottle, and Tapatio is only $6.
It’s my half Friday, so don’t expect too much vitriole from me on Friday. I’ll probably be drinking wine and watching my Coupling DVDs for the bazillionth time. Cheers, babes!