Horrific, East Coast weather apocalypse aside, I think the weather has plans to kill us all and no one is more acutely aware of it than the rodent population. Some of you may recall last year when I had several surreal encounters with the local squirrels. Well this year, mice are the new squirrels.
It was a really mild winter last year, and in a town with scores of 100+ year old buildings, to some extent, we count on rough winters to thin the pest population. Last winter? Not so much. The breeding was pretty much constant and we’re now fielding rodent complaints from every side of the city. At one point, a tenant went home for the weekend and returned to find that a squirrel ate its way through the drop ceiling and then started burrowing into his mattress. To this day, we’re not 100% sure where it got in.
Normally, I’d chalk it up to the fact that most of my tenants are filthy animals whose poor housekeeping habits are now infecting their neighbors, only I wrote up this work order for my own office the other day:
I was sitting at my desk one morning, trying to wrap up some paperwork before the day’s showings began when I heard scratching coming from one of the supply cabinets. I opened the doors to the cabinet and found nothing. I looked behind the cabinet and there was nothing there either. I checked under chairs and in boxes along the wall – nothing. But every few minutes, the scratching would start up again. I knew I was hearing scratching, but there was never anything there, and both of the surrounding closets have brick walls.For a solid 30 minutes, I had just chalked it up to my inevitable downward spiral into insanity, until one of my coworkers went to the bathroom and stopped short at the cabinet because he heard it too.
We spent a good 15 minutes poking at the wall and looking in the closets before we determined that the boss’s pet mouse had struck again and was now living in the wall by way of the ceiling. How do I know it’s his pet mouse, you ask? That part is mostly a joke.The first evidence of a mouse in our office was 3 weeks ago when it ate my boss’s power bar and then took a shit on his desk and in his coffee cup.
Clearly, it must know him.
Oh, how I long for the good old days when my job was something other than a Murphy’s Law themed sitcom…