The worst case scenario came true yesterday and my records retention project was put on hold as my boss had a near panic attack at the thought of files being *gasp* put into logical order. So. I will be dutifully avoiding that office suite until his next hunting half-day, at which point it’s on like Donkey Kong.
Meanwhile, I have fuckall to do until my 11:00 showing (followed by me punching the gas and driving for home as fast as our little hamster wagon can putt-putt along), so I’ll attempt to regale you with the brilliant, intelligent discourse which has taken place in our house lately.*Ken, making fun of a jewelry commercial*Yeah, I’m looking for a ring that says…. I’m sorry you have herpes.
Me: The lead guitarist looked like Sean Bean.
Ken: I like Sean Bean as an actor. He was great in Lord of the Rings.
Me: Yeah? Where he dies early? Or how about Equilibrium, where he dies early? Ooh! And how about Game of Thrones where he DIES EARLY? Poor Sean Bean. Hollywood’s favorite actor to kill inside of 30 minutes…Or relegate to bit parts, like in the flaming turd pile that was Troy. Or being forced to act alongside Nicholas Cage in National Treasure.
*listening to a woman describe how pregnancy has increased her bra size 2 full cups, looking at my own D cups*
M: God, Ken… 2 cup sizes! Do you know what that would do?
K: Yeah. Make my penis bigger.
Me, on the phone with Tina: Just to give you a heads up, we’re probably going to be a few minutes late. There’s a minor kitchen thing going on here that, if it goes tits up, will result in the untimely death of one or more people. And if not, I’ll need a couple minutes to regroup.
Roger from American Dad: I think you and I can both agree that a woman like that should never go a day of her life without a crisp pickle.
Me: I could have justified the entirety of my Slut-fest 2005 if I’d just used that line.
That’s it for me this year, peeps! I’ll see you in 2012 when I bring a fresh, new perspective pertaining to everything that makes me stabby. Happy New Year to you and yours!