Apr 05

Sleep Deprivation: The Husband Edition

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Happy Friday, and not a moment too soon! I’ve come to the conclusion that my Monday through Friday life has become a series of “I want your head on a fucking stick” moments and gratuitous video game violence peppered with “That’s what she said” jokes on Team Speak, in between moments of sanity and productivity called “The Weekend.”


Of course, Thursdays are the husband’s weekly Nerds With Friends night, and my weekly “Sit on my ass and play video games” night. So both of us stayed up much later than a responsible adult should and I still regret nothing. My husband, on the other hand, was a drooling, mumbling zombie after 2 snooze alarms and his mental state today is… alarming.


As we were driving to work this morning, we drove by an apartment building where both an ambulance and the fire department were parked, the latter turning off the fire hydrant.

Me: They must have actually had a fire if they’re turning the hydrant off.
Him: Or they got bored with always coming out to the same building for the same old lady having a heart attack and decided to get some practice.
Me: By turning the hose on her?
Him: Why not?
Me: At 7:40 am?
Him: Emergencies know no hours. It’s good practice.
Me: What, setting the building on fire?



And because there was no coffee to be had in our kitchen this morning, we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts. I love that place with almost every fiber of my being, except for the lone fiber screaming, “STOP CAKING YOUR DONUTS IN POWDERED SUGAR, ASSHOLES!” Seriously, my wardrobe looks like I went on a coke bender whenever I eat them. All the more magical about Dunkin Donuts is that you can count on Fridays to be Dunkin’ mascot day.


As we pulled into the parking lot, our friendly Dunkin’ Cup was standing on the sidewalk, beckoning to morning commuters to come get some sweet, caffeinated goodness.  Ken took one look at him and immediately said, “I refuse to make eye contact with that thing.”
“Really? Because I think I’m going to ask him to give you a hug.”
“I hate you.”

Don't fight the love. Embrace it. Embrace HIM.

Don’t fight the love, embrace it. Embrace HIM.

If we make it to 5:00 today, we will be so brain fried that I don’t think we’ll remember where home is.


I was informed that in addition to being a funny bitch, I was also nominated for a Liebster by the fabulous gal over at Phenomenal Lass. And because I’m already mentally checked out for the week, I am eager to answer her questions.


And here they are:

What is your favorite thing about blogging?


It is the most superb outlet for everything. You can vent, rant, rave, share, over share, and it’s all incredibly cathartic. Especially when I go off on one of my famous rants about one of the various groups that’s pissing me off. Who needs sharp, stabby implements when you’ve got a sharp wit and a vocabulary that could confound Merriam-Webster?


If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Hmm… Toss up between Serenity and LOTR: Return of the King. I think I’m going to have to go with Serenity. I loves me some Adam Baldwin redneck humor and Nathan Fillion eye candy.


What is your greatest strength?

I can adapt to anything. When you move around as a kid as much as we did, you have to. There is no “fake it ’til you make it.”  You just walk into a new situation and own it. Like a BOSS.


If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. I’m going to be a princess who’s high as a kite in her bona fide castle.


What’s your favorite song (of the moment)?

Oddly enough, Talk Shows on Mute by Incubus. I heard it on the radio earlier this week and I’ve listened to it a dozen times since then. Mostly because the line “You’re so much more… intriguing with the sound turned off.” is strangely appropriate for my line of work and life in general.


Are you what you wanted to be when you grew up?

I can’t even remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that point is moot since I’m pretty sure I’m not finished growing yet. So for now, let’s aim for entrepreneur. I don’t get along with people when I have to work for them. Or anyone, really.


If you had to retake one class from school, what would it be and why?

English. Because I’d spend the entire class period beating it into the heads of the redneck chicken fuckers who were my classmates that they no talk good and that they would forever be steaming piles of chicken shit idiocy until they learned how to grasp the English language, even if it meant using two hands and a flashlight. I’d beat that into them with the flashlight if I had to. Of course, a few of them would find the flashlight beatings too close to the horse that kicked them in the head when they were performing their personal own donkey show and they’d probably get an enormous boner.

On second thought, I think we can leave a few children behind. In fact, I think we must… for the greater good of humanity.


If you had to commit one of the Seven Deadly Sins, which one would you choose and why?

Atheists don’t really subscribe to those things, but I’m always a big fan of carnal knowledge and geekery. Oh, Geekery isn’t a sin? YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT’S NOT.


Your new best friend is a character from a book. Who do you pick?

Bob Howard from any of the Laundry Files.  Laid back, kinda geeky. Says “fuck” a lot. Summons demons via computer. He sounds like he’d be my new BFF.


What’s the best thing you ate this week?

Bambi. Bambi roasted, Bambi barbecued on pretzel buns. I’ve eaten so much Bambi this week that I’m looking forward to chicken.


What are your plans for the weekend?

I’ll finally get off my lazy ass and assemble my sewing table, refinish that thrift store table I bought, play some Guild Wars 2… Oh, and take my husband to the symphony. Because the boy needs to absorb some culture that doesn’t come from yogurt.


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  1. Danielle Geer (@deathbycupakes)

    Fucking CAPTCHA.

    I’m too old and blind to ever get it right the first time, no lie.

    I got so irritated trying to post my comment that now I don’t remember what I was gong to say.

    Also? I adore you with every fiber of my being, but there can only be one Princess. And I’m it. So get the fuck out of my castle, bitch.

    1. admin

      Listen, your royal bitchness – we’ve gone over this. You’re the queen, I’m the princess, and it’s my damn castle. Get your own. I hear Transylvania is lovely.

  2. Valerie

    It’s one of my dreams to hug a giant cup of coffee until its uncomfortable…


    Valerie recently posted..F is for FAIL!!My Profile

    1. admin

      I wanted to hug him. Ken kept dragging me toward the car.

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