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Jun 12

You’re a creep. Put away your weiner.

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Great, now I have a terrible Radiohead song in my head. It couldn’t be helped though. I’m trying to prevent a future sex offender.

 

I started this all wrong…Let me start again.

 

I’m dog sitting for my friend Tina while she’s out of the state. As I was taking him for a walk to relieve himself after being trapped inside with my homicidal maniac of a bully cat, we walked into an odd situation. Because this is me we’re talking about after all. We were walking past one of the other buildings along our street when we happened upon a teenage boy of 14 years or so, standing partially behind one of the bushes that line the sidewalk. I’m not particularly enamored of my neighbors and keep mostly to myself, so I’m not sure if he lived in the building or not. My ability to care about this fact disappeared when he started making weird googly, “I am a future rapist” eyes at me. I shook my head at him and said, “You are one creepy kid.” In turn, he flipped me off and slunk away in his creepy way while the dog and I continued our evening constitutional.

This has nothing to do with anything, but I laughed. Hard.

This has nothing to do with anything, but I laughed. Hard.

About 20 minutes later, we were returning to the comfort of air conditioning, the same kid was standing there on the sidewalk with one of the local police officers who was lecturing him about loitering (so I’m assuming that he probably didn’t live there after all). As the dog and I got closer, the kid pointed at me and said, “Hey, that bitch called me creepy!”
The officer looked up to see a relatively well dressed white girl with a fluffy little white dog and replied to the kid, “Well, what were you doing that she would say that to you?”
“Nothin’, man! I was just standing next to that tree, watching.”
“That tree?” *He points at the bush next to the sidewalk* “You were just hanging out behind a bush and watching?”
“Yeah, man! That was it!”
“How could you possibly think that wouldn’t be creepy to anyone who sees you?”
Well played, officer. I couldn’t have put it better myself.
My life has become too weird, even for me.

5 comments

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  1. NATurally Inappropriate

    Whatever– you like it that way!!
    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted..The HappeningsMy Profile

  2. PinotNinja

    Nice truth bomb Mr. Officer!
    PinotNinja recently posted..I Could Really Use a Summer by BravoMy Profile

  3. Valerie

    And that’s the day that kid learned to CLIMB the trees, rather than just stand next to them. Because not many people bother to look up.

    Hugs!

    Valerie
    Valerie recently posted..Today is Hawaiian Shirt Day… on PlutoMy Profile

  4. atypicalme

    My Twitter brings me here. How strange. Turns out, your atypical relevance is more relevant than you though. http://atypical2u.wordpress.com Like minded people…small world. Anyway, thought I would comment since I am here.

  5. Rachel

    Nice to know that not all the creepy teen aged boys live in my hood… It’s just almost too much to go outside anymore without feeling violated in some sort of ‘seemingly’ innocent way…
    Rachel recently posted..Why My Weekend was Better than Yours!My Profile

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