Jan 09

Dr. Douchebag! Paging Dr. Douchebag!

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***Disclaimer to male readers (not that I believe you exist in this corner of the internet): This is about chick stuff. Go ‘way while you still have your innocence intact.***

It seems that my migraines of last week were as well timed as a migraine can be, since I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled to meet my new primary care doctor this morning. This was quite the welcome appointment since my last doctor was a colossal assbag. Seriously, dude should have just worn a colostomy bag as a ball cap to accurately represent his abilities as a physician. I saw him 4 times in 8 months and wanted to curb stomp his smug face every time. Even his nurse was a vacant, Stepford wife kind of idiot  who didn’t seem to be participating in the same plane of reality as the rest of us. My blood pressure was mildly elevated every time I went in because of how hard I was fighting the stabby within.

Examples of why he sucked:

My initial visit and physical –

The day I visited, I’d just started my first cycle in 8 months and I told him that this has been typical of me since I stopped taking birth control. He didn’t ask me why I stopped taking it in the first place, wasn’t interested in why I’m irregular. Just wanted to give me pills. “You’re having one now, so you’re not pregnant and it doesn’t concern me much. If it really bothers you, I’ll give you a prescription for more birth control.”  I asked for a referral to OBGYN for my pap.
Doc: “Why? We can do it right now and then schedule a time for you to come back for blood work.”
Me: “I fasted last night and this morning. We can do blood work after this if the lab is available, but the pap should wait because I spent the preceeding 2 weeks on antibiotics for dental work.”
Doc: *blink blink* *vacant stare* *blink blink* “Okay let me get the nurse for the pelvic exam and we can figure it out later.”
Me: *facepalm*

Fast forward a week when I get the message saying my pap was abnormal. Well no shit. What part of antibiotic regimen did you think would make my tests come out normal, jack hole?!? Message from Doctor D:  “Your results were abnormal and you need to schedule 2 follow up visits.” *end message* I had to call to find out what he meant by “abnormal.”

Now fast forward 3 more weeks when I’m still bleeding (going on 35 days…) and crampy as hell. (Very much NOT normal for me) Emailed nurse on call, received reply from Doctor D: “I wouldn’t worry about it. Call for an appointment if the cramps get worse.” (I finally quit bleeding a week later.)

September appointment for migraine consult (these are previously diagnosed migraines) –

I was going on 3 solid weeks with the same headache which would intermittently become rogue migraine. Symptoms like auras, light and sound sensitivity, nausea, and dizziness were not uncommon.
Dr. D: “Your symptoms don’t sound like any migraines I’ve ever encountered. You have tension headaches. Take these muscle relaxers and some prescription Super-Tylenol.” (The muscle relaxers are great for bedtime. I sleep like a comatose baby. The SuperTylenol does fuckall and cost $48 because it’s not on the formulary.)

Followup Pap #1 – I have a yeast infection, which I told him about in advance of the exam.
Dr. D: “There’s a lot of inflammation that I can’t really pinpoint, so I suspect that we’ll be referring you to OBGYN after your results come back, since this isn’t really my area.”
Me: *facepalm*
Dr. D: “You’re also quite sniffly today. Do you have allergies?”
Me: “No, I just get congested a lot. My last doctor prescribed *RX nasal spray* to clear it up for me.”
Dr. D: *Shoved a light up my nose for a brief glance* Your nasal passages are inflamed because you’re allergic to the cold weather. Benadryl will help.” (Obviously, it didn’t.) I got a call a week later saying that my second pap was unremarkable but for a yeast infection and the nurse on call called in a pill to treat it.

Two weeks later, I got a letter from our provider stating that he was leaving the practice and I’d have to choose a new physician. Don’t let the joyous whooping and Irish jig fool you – I was devastated. I had my first appointment this morning with my new doctor where we actually sat and had the conversation Dr. D. should have had with me the first time I came in.

He went over my complete migraine history (after confirming that yes, those symptoms are indicative of migraines and NOT tension headaches) and asked me to describe the triggers and sensations before prescribing a higher dose of something that actually worked reasonably well for me in the past. He told me to call him immediately if it wasn’t working and he’d call in a trial dose of another option we’d discussed.

We discussed my weight and what steps I’m taking to address it. It wasn’t an attack and he even said I haven’t gained weight since my first appointment, so I just need to step up my activity a little.

We discussed my gynecological history and I mentioned that I haven’t had a period since May. He looked concerned and perplexed. He asked why I hadn’t been referred to Dean’s excellent OBGYN department.
Me: I asked for one. Dr. D. didn’t feel it was necessary.
Dr. Wonderful: *Shocked look* Why the hell not?!? *sheepish look* Sorry. I just don’t understand his reasoning. Internal medicine docs are not terribly experienced in the more complicated nuances of gynecology and obstetrics. If you and your husband want children at any point, and if not, for your own peace of mind, I think it’s best if we get you a referral.”

I left that appointment more satisfied with my care than I’ve been since I got on this plan. I have a scheduled appointment for the referral and I finally feel like I have a physician who listens when I talk to him, rather than smiling and nodding and writing me prescriptions for placebos. I’m not looking forward to my 3rd gynecological exam in a year, but it’s preferably to going to jail for rearranging my doctor’s face.


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  1. Jo

    Congratulations on a new and way improved doctor! Glad you’re going to be able to make progress now.

  2. Charity

    I have had a bit of a falling out with my gyno, tbh. While I really like her, I don’t care for the other people who work in her office. I don’t really have anything to pinpoint to, honestly– but I just feel like the care I received when I started there years ago is superior to the care I receive now– although she did a great job on my hysterectomy.

    On another note– I had a really good session with my family doctor the other day when dealing with my depression. I’m super pleased with the results.

    1. admin

      You know, it’s sad when we can do then and now type comparisons of our medical care and see exactly where the whole thing went to shit. We’re a much better informed country than we used to be regarding our options for care, but there are still physicians out there who treat us like a child that just said something cute whenever we try to have a dialogue. It’s my body and my health at stake here. I wanna talk about this and you are going to listen and respond accordingly, dammit!

  3. Charity

    Also, your commentluv app has been broken for a couple of days, I think. You might need to update.

  4. admin

    I just checked and it’s running the most current version. It’s working for me right now, actually. Possible PEBKAC error? 😛

  5. Charity

    LOL. You hush. I use that software and so does everyone else, fool.
    Charity recently posted..I just want to be beautiful…My Profile

    1. admin

      I’ve never been so proud that another female knows what PEBKAC means… Hold me.

  6. Misty

    That is such good news! Yay for competent health care. And congrats for not getting arrested for assault & battery for ripping that incompetent yahoo’s nads right off. Yay for restraint as well. :)
    Misty recently posted..An Ode to JenMy Profile

    1. admin

      My job is such that I’ve had to develop restraint over the years. Ask me sometime about today’s epic conversation with the parent of a financially irresponsible child and how I’m going to jail because charging a 5% late fee on rent is illegal. It’s like having children without wrecking my vagina!

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