Oct 16

On the chubby wings of cupcake angels

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Sweet repose!

The matrimonial plaything and I celebrated our first anniversary a week early with a trip to Lake Geneva over the weekend. The fall colors were in full swing, the air was crisp, and we were both looking forward to some rest. The hotel was very nice and came with a magnificent jacuzzi tub that became a nightly ritual. Now let me tell you about this marvel of modern wizardry that was our jacuzzi tub. First, it was HUGE! It fit both of us, side by side, lying down! And the jets, oh the wonderful jets… it was like millions of little bubbles made their mission in life to lovingly effervesce around my nudey bits. Someday, when I’m comfortably upper-middle class with a home equity line of credit, I will gut my master bath to include one of these magnificent tubs and I will reign supreme from my warm, wet throne until I have shriveled into an attitudinal little raisin of awesome.

Replace the mirror with a TV and you have my Executive Command Center.

Anyhoo, our hotel was in the middle of downtown with everything within a few blocks of our room, so we did a lot of walking around. This turned out to be a good thing since it seems like all we did was eat. Seriously, I ate a few salads this weekend and we still brought home leftovers. Wine tasting on Friday evening complete with a new bottle of wine and a baguette, followed by dinner at a local pub. On Saturday we went out to a local orchard and left with a gallon of unpasteurized cider, caramel corn, apple chips, and another bottle of wine. After the false advertising that was the Elkhorn Oktoberfest, we made a trip over to Chocolate City, aka Burlington. I only found one candy store there, but it certainly didn’t make the pound of fine chocolate truffles any less divine.  

Elkhorn Oktoberfest was a little disappointing since it ended up being a lot of craft fair and off-key country music, but not so much Oktoberfest. There was a small “beer garden” where you could get a tasting glass and eight tasting tickets for $10. There was more wine than beer, but I sat it out. By the end, even Ken didn’t know what to use the last ticket on. It wasn’t a total loss though – I bought a very warm, very comfy crocheted beanie from a woman who was pushing 80, and there was a dude wandering around with a squeeze box dressed like David the Gnome.

Yes. This really happened.

We checked out of the hotel on Sunday morning and walked over to the pier where we boarded the Grand Belle of Lake Geneva for a Champagne Brunch cruise. The menu was an interesting mix of breakfast foods and some strange lunch items,  but it was good and the champagne was fantastic. The best part of the tour was cruising around the lake and looking at multi-million dollar homes that I will never be able to afford until I publish a series of best selling smut novels. Truly breathtaking. Lucky bitches.


So the weekend was a nice departure from the doldrums of day-to-day life, alas we had to return home. And so return we did, to find a lonely, starving (more on that when I’m feeling less stabby), but ecstatic Momo, who was all too happy to steal food from my hands and then steal my blanket on the couch while I touched up my pedicure. Tomorrow, we return to the grind and I can only hope that my brain remembers how to be snarky.


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  1. Dani

    The hardest part about leaving my home in California was the jaccuzzi tub I left behind. I had created the perfect mix of non-foaming bath salts… eucalyptus, lavender, and peppermint… that I had in a HUGE jig sitting next to the tub. Every night at around 7:30 I would announce that I was off to sit in the tub. I would take my phone, my book, and my water bottle, never to be seen from or heard from again until I was good and goddamn ready to get out.
    I loved that tub.
    I could have lived in that tub.
    I want to be buried in that tub.

    I hate New York.

    I’m glad you guys have a fabu time!! xo

  2. Dani


    Have I mentioned that typos keep me awake at night?

  3. Dani



  4. admin

    It sounds as though you have a new project whenever you find some disposable income: Mobile command crapper. Pro-tip: Spring for the heated toilet seat and a mini fridge/wine chiller combo. Then you’ll never have to leave.

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