Sorry y’all – work ate my last two weeks and I just don’t know where it all went. On top of work stuff, Friday was our long awaited masked opera and my in-laws were here from California for the game. It was a fully loaded weekend and I haven’t had a chance to speak to Queen Inappropriate for like, a week, so a whole bunch of inappropriate came spilling out this morning.
Queen Inappropriate: HOLAAAAAAAAAA
me: My vagina is buzzing. I repeat: MY VAGINA IS BUZZING. This is not a drill.
Queen Inappropriate: Niiiiiiice.Dunno if I want to know why, to be honest.
me: Actually, I’m not sure why that is. I was hoping for some insight or advice.
Queen Inappropriate: Did you leave your vibrator in there from last night?
me: This has been going on all weekend. I keep thinking it’s my phone vibrating, but my phone is like, halfway across the room.
Queen Inappropriate: I’ve had that before, not in my vagina, but where I can feel my leg buzzing. Are you sure your phone is not actually in your vagina? You know, if it like, fell in?
me: You’re mistaking the wrong person for a canyon cunt, missy.
Queen Inappropriate: I’m just saying…Could there be insects in there? Like, perhaps a spider nest hatched?
Or something such as that?
me: Clean as a whistle. But not gaping enough to actually whistle.
me: And speaking of gaping caves, how’s the old bat, your mother in law?
And that’s how you do a segue around here…
This has nothing to do with anything. Except tacos.
In other news, the opera was awesome. I had mentioned a few weeks back that my friend and I were going to get blitzed and make opera masks for the occasion, but it’s been so busy that I couldn’t commit to a full bottle of wine. In hindsight, that was probably for the best because trying to use heat tools and jewelry glue while tipsy could not have ended well in any universe. As it was, the product was pretty spectacular if I do say so myself. A total of about 5 hours, half a pizza, a few heat burns, $30 out of my crystal stash and 3 missed hours of sleep later and I had a really neat mask.
Once we got to Overture Center, we found that we were the only people who came in masks. We stood under judgment from our fellow patrons who clearly couldn’t accept how overwhelmingly
pretentious awesome we were.
Why yes, those are opera glasses.
The marketing department thought we were awesome and took pictures of us for their marketing stuff. I think this makes us local celebrities.
I wanted to be a rock star, but I suppose minor opera groupie will do…
There are other photos that Tina’s husband took, but viewer discretion is advised for, well, everyone really. I suspect that a few of them are a little sketchy, and may they never see light of day.
Saturday was the Badger homecoming game and it was AWFUL. Our quarterback should be strung up by his jock strap and used as a pinata for his repeated transgressions against the offense. I was sorry that my in-laws picked that game to attend, but it was an enjoyable time overall. We did a little tailgating and got photobombed by Tupac.
You don’t choose the thug life. It just walks up behind you and insists that you take its photo.
We’re not sun burnt, it was just really cold.
So to recap, it was a busy weekend, a busy 2 weeks at work, and I’m exhausted. Fear not because I have plenty of other exciting and messed up things to talk about, but for now, I need to go rent a couple more apartments. Happy Monday!