Mar 12

My AIM conversations are classic…

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So I’m going through a weird patch of insomnia where I don’t fall asleep until 11:30 and I’m wide awake by 4:30. This leaves me with a lot of time to speak to people in the early hours of the AM, and I have determined that these hours are when we’re all at our wittiest/weirdest.

I hereby submit supporting arguments.

A friendly good morning from Steve:
[04:36] Mandi: Goooooood Morning, Huntington Beach!
[08:44] Steve: 4:30? What the hell is wrong with you?
[08:45] Mandi: Couldn’t sleep.
[08:45] Mandi: Hey, it’s 8:00am somewhere.
[08:46] Steve: yeah, somewhere over the atlantic ocean.

Tummy Troubles of the Furry Persuasion:
[09:18] Mandi: This cat is trying to starve me, dammit!
[09:19] Mandi: Yesterday he got all purry and nuzzly and then stole a pizza bite right off my plate. This morning he nuzzles my head and then my hands and then sticks his head in my cereal bowl and nomnomnoms away!
[09:19] Mandi: Do you hear me?
[09:27] Mandi: I, for one, do NOT welcome our new feline overlords.
[09:27] Ken: an unattended bowl is a crime waiting to happen
[09:28] Mandi: The bowl was in my hands!

More Wisdom from Steve:
[09:24] Steve: and my final thought on the subject was this: If I’m dating a single mom, and we have sex… then I have to see the kid… the only thought going through my head would be “That’s right, kid… mommy let me paste her face. No mas!”

And then Jason:
[09:31] Jason: nothing wrong with single moms!
[09:34] Jason: usually i save the “I boned that chick” thoughts for meeting new boyfriends and stuff
[09:34] Jason: “‘Sup new boyfriend! good to meet you! i’ve had my penis in her ass and mouth…”

Followed by Ken:
[09:33] Ken: I don’t think it was something I consciously avoided..but…I think I preferred no prior kids with women I dated.
[09:34] Ken: especially if they were kids that could talk back ” you’re much more skinny than my daddy”
[09:35] Mandi: or “you don’t make mommy scream like the last boyfriend did.”
[09:46] Mandi: Incidentally, I don’t believe I’ve met any of your exes.
[09:47] Ken: only one I think you might have…and she isn’t really an ex so much as someone I went out on a date with a couple times.
[09:48] Mandi: Don’t know her. I tend to know when I’m in the same room as someone my boyfriend has slept/is sleeping with.
[09:50] Mandi: Wait… is this the one that was terrified of penis and went lesbian?
[09:50] Ken: yes. she went lesbian.
[09:51] Ken: then she gave up being a vegetarian and eats a lot of weird shit now..
[09:51] Mandi: So tube steak may be included in that?
[09:51] Ken: she went kinda bi.. now I believe shes back on planet rugmunch

And finally, Droo:
[09:56] Droo: is she hot?

Followed by a random segue into sexual prowess…
[09:52] Jason: i’ve never had a girl go gay after me
[09:53] Mandi: Well, it wasn’t sex that did it. She just decided to switch teams mid ball game.
[09:54] Jason: Oh, Well that’s him just avoiding a crazy punch then
[09:55] Mandi: I fail to see how such a gifted individual could turn someone gay anyhow…
[09:58] Mandi: I mean, that’s like saying “Jason, you were too damned good in bed and no other man could possibly live up to the standard you’ve set, so I have no choice but to become lesbian.”
[10:01] Jason: not to be cocky but i’ve outdone girls in a side by side comparison :)
[10:01] Mandi: I’d have to consult my references and see what they say about me in that regard…
[10:13] Mandi: I’ve never thought to ask a girl how I compared to a guy. *shrug* I didn’t care.
[10:14] Mandi: I guess that’s another notch on my “Mandi’s like a guy in all but anatomy” scorecard, huh?
[10:27] Jason: Nah you’re kind of girly in some ways. Not all dainty and gay, but girly in the important ways.
[10:29] Mandi: Meaning my anatomy? And the fact that I wear dresses and skirts, and makeup, and get pedicures and haircuts?
[10:30] Mandi: Cuz… I listen to rock music, I worship football like a god and religion, I think Jackass and Jackass 2 were awesome movies, I find dick and fart jokes (and hence, Kevin Smith) hilarious, I hate shopping, talking on the phone, and drama, and I’d rather roll over and go to sleep after sex than engage in pillow talk.

And Droo submits his .02 for your entertainment:
[10:41] Droo: I dunno though, I could talk for hours about any number of things. I have enough stories to keep busy at it
[10:45] Mandi: Bleh. Pillow talk is crap. “Was it good for you, baby? Tell me what you liked best about my cock! Am I the best you’ve ever had?”
[10:45] Mandi: “Get the fuck out, you tool.”
[10:46] Droo: Nah I mean talk, pillows just happen to be there. Not like pillow talk in the “So, here’s the post-coitus survey”
[10:47] Mandi: Yeah, because the post-coital survey can be damaging to a relationship. Ask slapnuts how it went when he pulled the “Am I the best you’ve ever had?” bullshit.
[10:48] Mandi: “No, but ‘Partner X’ was transcendent!”
[10:49] Droo: haha! Yeah, he bitched up a storm about that for a while

I should feel guilty about that last part, but instead, I laughed long, loud, and hard, and scared the cat. Serves the thieving little bastard right…

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