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Mar 01

Lunacy or solar flares? The study of insanity intensifies…

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I checked my calendar and it would appear that we’re not scheduled for a full moon for about another two weeks. I didn’t read anything in the news recently about solar flares. To the best of my knowledge, the state mental health facilities are operating with no security breaches, and if the chromium-6 content of our water had changed drastically, I’d have expected more zombies coming to eat my brains when they dropped off rent today.

 

So now I’m out of explanations for why our tenants have gone off the deepend today.

 

Scenario number one:

Someone brought me bedbugs on a piece of masking tape. “Um, thanks. Did you call the number we gave you for the exterminator?” “No, should I?”

*initiate full body shudder*

 

Scenario number two:

Some guy threatened to shoot his neighbors in the face last night because he heard one of them cough. Or slam the microwave. Or bark like a dog. He can’t remember which, but Dammit, his thirteen guns have their names on ’em!

 

Scenario number three:

Phone call from irate tenant regarding a bill for snow removal because they hadn’t shoveled their walk for 3 consecutive days following the last snow storm. “I’m not paying that! We already did it!”  “I can assure you that maintenance was not air shoveling.” “Wait! I didn’t understand the rules! No one told me! Except for that one letter back in November…But whatever! I’m not paying it!”

 

Scenario number four:

Documented head case calls having a panic attack because a contractor accidentally showed up at her door to install something instead of the neighbors next door. I apologized for the confusion and told her to send them next door. She proceeds to scream about a lack of notice for today. And last week. Because we didn’t show up at the beginning of the time frame we gave for an inspection that didn’t require the residents to be present. Full.on.panic.attack. Literally let out a blood curdling scream and started sobbing hysterically before hanging up on me.

 

Scenario number five:

Residents in a third floor apartment of a high rise building called to report a raccoon on their window ledge, staring in the window and scratching. Jumped into the open dumpster, Die Hard style when maintenance got there and then proceeded to try to eat animal control guy and his equipment for a solid hour before his capture. Not tenant related, but really friggin’ strange all the same.

 

Oh, will you look at the time… Gotta go show an apartment far away from here for a few hours.

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