I have become a science widow. The husband and his brood of mad scientist buddies are hosting the American Society for Virology this summer, and he’s been gone from 8:00 am to 11:00 pm all weekend and through Tuesday.
The cat and I spent a lot of time bonding this weekend and I even cooked food! For just me. That’s so sad…
I worked very hard on a craft project that I’m trying to finish before I leave for Texas on Friday. It will be the most gorgeous thing ever embroidered with the words, “Blow it out your ass.”
I did a little girl pampering this weekend too. My toenails still look like shit, but they’re trimmed and my heels are baby butt smooth.
Then I had to wake up at 6:30 this morning thinking that I had another day of weekend, when really, I had to be at work in 90 minutes. Fuck Me. I managed to get all my work done in about 2 hours, leaving me to sit on my ass and think about the fact that I have 4 more days until my trip. (This is what we call short timer’s sydrome, and it is a very debillitating disorder. No, seriously – I haven’t done shit since 10:00 am.)
The best part of this week is that while I’m out on Friday and Monday, so is my coworker. There will be no staff in the office to answer phones or emails, and all the doors will be locked. We’ll be putting a sign on the door to explain the situation to any
witless ingrates visitors who may find themselves seeking our guidance, but I’m not feeling terribly patient (or professional) today, so here’s what I came up with:
You’re right. Too subtle.
Too much like an invitation to do their worst.
You have no idea how hard it is to find a picture of “Pressed Ham” that doesn’t show rectal probing. Fucking Google, man…
But I hear some of you compassionate types in the background, mewling “But what if they really need help?” Fine. This one’s for you pussies:
Too brusque? Hi, have we met?
Ugh. Fine. How’s this:
“But what if they have a maintenance problem? Shouldn’t they know how to contact you?”
NO. They should know how to contact MAINTENANCE. And maintenance knows how to contact me. Believe me, they already tried to appeal to me on those grounds.
In the end, I think simplicity is the best course of action.
So? Did I miss anything?