Damn, I’m tired. Not just “I could go for a nap” tired. We’re getting into “delirious waking fever dream as entertainment” kind of tired. “Challenge a clown to a knife fight because I don’t like his squeaky nose” kind of tired. “Stab a tenant with a bic pen and use their blood to fingerpaint the epic battle” kind of tired. Shit gets more serious as soon as I get less serious.
I haven’t been sleeping well for the past few weeks and I’m not sure why. I’ve had chronic insomnia for many years and it always seems to come in cycles. This time around, it takes me forever to fall asleep and once I finally do, I have weird dreams. Then the husband alternates between stealing all the covers and freezing my ass out, hogging the whole of our queen sized bed and kicking my ass out, or draping himself all over me and roasting my ass out. Given the amount of chili he’s eating lately, I should probably be thankful that he’s not stinking my ass out. And even if I survive all of these obstacles and slip into slumber, the cat yowls into my ear as soon as he sees daylight, somewhere near the crack of 5:30am.
Back in the day, I was even worse – I’d be awake for days at a time, or I’d get 2-3 hours in a given night and then have to get up and go to work or school. I didn’t want drugs, but my doctor insisted that I needed something in order to sleep. So I’d pop a Sonata or an Ambien and I’d be good to go for at least 6 hours. Unfortunately, as time went on, it wasn’t working and instead of lulling me into sweet, drug induced slumber, I’d be awake for days and then hallucinate as soon as I took a pill. Have you ever seen your bedroom walls melt into colors when it’s pitch black in the room? If I wanted an acid trip, I’d have become better friends with that crowd in high school, thank you very much.
These days, if you tell a doctor that you’re having trouble with insomnia, they want to know what’s bothering you emotionally. Thank you for so gently implying that I may be bugfuck crazy, but the only thing that’s bothering me is that I’m tired and I CAN’T SLEEP, ASSHOLE. There’s nothing wrong with my emotional state that a few hours of a little senseless violence against video game aliens won’t fix. Now give me my ambien and I’ll leave you to the imminent heart attack I passed in the waiting room.
It’s started getting very busy at work again, so I’m out of the office a lot for showings, which is usually good for being gone for 2-3 hours at a time. Now my time in the office is precious paperwork time that gets wasted by a lot of phone calls from people who desperately need to learn that life does not revolve around them. I can always tell that work is starting to overstep its bounds when it starts making its way into my dreams. Last night, it was about a tenant who was being insufferably whiny and belligerent, so I used force lightning to electrocute the shit out of her and shut her up. To be honest, I may be playing a lot of Star Wars: The Old Republic whenever I’m not working, usually in lieu of cooking, cleaning, or crafting.
Keeping in mind that I don’t stay up all night playing video games, I eat decently, I exercise fairly regularly, and I don’t tend to consume caffeine after noon, does anyone have advice on how to zonk out for a few hours? Or have a mallet I can borrow?