May 21

Hanging Up: My Customer Service Skills Went to Shit This Weekend.

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Overall, I had a pretty good weekend. I leased out all but two properties off campus last week, my patio garden is looking bright and beautiful, and I had a night out with the girls on Saturday. I spent most of the day Saturday playing video games in lieu of eating, so starting the night with a round of drinks pretty much ensured that I was good and buzzed before we ever saw a menu. And then I ordered another drink with dinner too, so I will admit that I did the “walk like you’re not drunk even though you are” walk to the bathroom at one point. And prompty walked in a diagonal line straight into a wall. Thankfully, I don’t think anyone saw me. Then I was walking to the bathroom with Tina half an hour later and she was in the same boat.
“This is the first time I’ve been able to fit in heels since the baby was born and I’m excited! It’s nice how much better I walk in heels when I’m a drunk!” As she was walking diagonally toward that same wall until I pulled her straight again.
“Oh, honey… no you can’t. I thought the same thing until I walked into the wall myself earlier.”
“Hrmph. Shut up.”

We’re doing it again at the end of June.

So then I got to the office this morning feeling moderately rested and found 29 messages in the voicemail and another 27 in my inbox. I finally cleared the weekend backlog at around 12:30 and my weekend calm reserves were on the low side. Then I got these phone calls. But rather than letting it shatter my calm entirely, I tried a new approach to dealing with irrational cuntmuppets- I just refused to engage the crazy today. At all.

“I’m not in the country. How am I supposed to pay rent?”
“If you still have access to your online bill pay through your bank account, you can have them mail me a check.”
“But how do I pay with a credit card?”
“You can’t. We don’t have a way to take credit cards.”
“So the only way that I can pay my rent is to write a check and mail it? Maybe next year you’ll join the 21st century.”
“Don’t count on it.”*click*

“I just got a parking ticket at *address* and you need to call the city and tell them to reverse it. I was moving my daughter out of her apartment and I was only there for an hour.”
“We don’t own that parking lot, so we can’t ask the city to reverse the ticket. You’d have to call the person who gave you permission to park there.”
“I wasn’t in a lot. I was on the street in front of your building. Those are your parking spaces.”
“Haha, no. Those belong to the city and if you weren’t feeding the meter, they are going to expect you to pay that ticket.”
“This is BULLSHIT! You’re a liar! Get your manager on the phone NOW!”
“Yeah, no.” *click*

A tenant graduated this weekend and is driving to join her boyfriend out of state. She dropped off her keys in a huff because she left us a voicemail yesterday, Sunday, about paint and we didn’t call her back because no one was in the office. The conversation started with attitude and was all downhill from there.
“We didn’t do the touchup paint because we didn’t have time because YOU don’t return phonecalls. I’d better not be charged for that.”
“I don’t think it will be an issue. We’ll see what everything looks like when I go do the check out. I may be able to just touch it up myself when I’m there.”
“I’d better not get charged for any cleaning either. We were up until midnight cleaning, which is time I could have been spending with my friends.”
“Like I said, we’ll see what everything looks like when I go do the inspection.”

I did the checkout, and everything looked pretty good except that they obviously missed the bathtub, the stove/oven, and the kitchen sink was smeared with some kind of greasy mess. There were also dust bunnies flying off the ceiling fan when I turned it on, but overall, it wasn’t terrible. Still, I have to call the cleaning company for those things. The tenant called me 5 minutes after I got back from the apartment.

*In a snide, sarcastic tone* “Did everything meet with your rigid expectations?”
“Overall, it was pretty good. There were a few things that got missed, but it shouldn’t take the cleaning crew more than an hour. You’ll be looking at a $40 deduction from security, tops.”
“No, there will be no deduction at all. The things I ‘missed’ were intentional because that’s how they were when I moved in.”
“That’s not how that works. You signed after you moved in that the premises were in acceptable condition. If that wasn’t the case you should have notified us and we’d send the cleaners back to fix it.”
“I didn’t like the job that they did to begin with. I certainly wasn’t letting them back in the house to fix something that should have been right to begin with.”
“That was your choice. You’ll have to accept the cleaning charges now.”
“Well I don’t accept, and I refuse to hang up until you agree to waive that.”
“Oh, I have a really simple fix for that.” *click*

Oddly enough, none of these people bothered to call back and scream some more.

Final score-

Me: Winning.
Humanity: Finally learning.


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  1. Jana

    I don’t know how you don’t punch them through the phone. Seriously, you have the worst job ever when dealing with those peeps.

    Cuntmuppets..pfftt….that is a good one!
    Jana recently posted..I can make your skin glow, ’cause I am a saint, Y’all!My Profile

    1. admin

      If I could figure out how to punch people in the face over the phone or internet, I would make so much fucking money selling it to the highest bidder.

  2. Valerie

    I have been on vacation for over a week. I return on Wednesday. I am pretty sure my first day back will look a lot like your Monday.


    On a good note, I am buying myself a bow for archery class tomorrow. So, at least I’ll have a weapon for my return!



    Valerie recently posted..Harry Potter Land is my JerusalemMy Profile

    1. admin

      I would only be able to stay out of prison if I didn’t own a bow. There are days when I don’t think it should be legal for me to own kitchen shears for all my homicidal tendencies.

  3. Ally

    I wish I could just ‘hang up’ on the crazy people that I have to deal with at my bar.
    Ally recently posted..Chronicles of MindyMy Profile

    1. admin

      See, but if I tend bar here, I can just cut them off and bounce them for being too inebriated to serve. If they don’t leave, I can call the police. I wish I could call the police on some of the people I deal with in my day job. Stupidity has to be a crime against humanity, right?

  4. Misty

    Ha! I love your easy fix. You are dealing with the best and brightest MENSA members in your state, huh? I want to come out there and just watch you deal with people all day. With popcorn and wine. Hightly entertaining. For me, anyway. Sorry it harshed your buzz, though.
    Misty recently posted..My Chemical RomanceMy Profile

    1. admin

      My new favorite phrase today was, “I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” “We will be unable to accommodate your request.” and “We cannot entertain that at this time.” It’s amazing how often no one will ask “but whyyyyyy?” when you phrase it like that. Probably because they’re trying to wrap their heads around words like ‘accommodate.’

  5. NATurally Inappropriate

    Sorry I’ve been selfishly avoiding our daily chats and fucking txts. This post made me remember that I love you, and that the laughs should continue. Immediately.

    Kick those bitches in the teeth!
    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted..Sometimes, being an evil genius is just fucking…evil-genius-y.My Profile

    1. admin

      No worries. I’ve been busy, you’ve been mopey. It doesn’t exactly lead to enthralling conversation for everyone.

      Unless I get to BiC Party and you’re still mopey. Then it’s on like Donkey Kong.

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