Nov 05

Dumbest phone call ever.

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I’m never going to have time for a real blog again, so instead, I’ll give you another installment of “Why college students should be locked in a mental ward until age 30.”



Thank you, silly undergrad skank, for interrupting the only 20 minutes I have today in which to shovel food in my face. That 3 minutes I spent on the phone with you are not recoverable, and you owe me an undisclosed amount for mental anguish because you killed my precious brain cells.

“Is {xyz address} available for showing tomorrow at 4:00?”
“I’m sorry, that house won’t be available for next year.”
“Hmm… I just read a website that said it was. Maybe Wednesday at 3:30?”
“I don’t know what website you were reading, but none of the properties on this block are available for next year.”
“Like, not available because they’re rented, or because the tenants are staying? I really like that house and I’m available after 5:30 on Thursday to look at it.”
“No, the block as a whole will be unavailable next year because it’s being torn down.”
“That’s stupid. Where are people supposed to live next year?”
“Any of the other 14,000 properties in downtown Madison? I have some other houses within a mile that we could see instead.”
“I’d never rent from you if you’re so irresponsible as to deprive a desperate student population of housing when there’s such a shortage.”
“Okay then, you have a nice day!” *click*

The properties we’re tearing down aren’t in great condition and they account for a total loss of 14 units. They’re being replaced by a large building of brand new apartments, but if you want to be a spoiled twat, I hope you end up living in a bedbug infested mattress house.


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  1. Winopants

    Great idea to tell a potential landlord that what they just said was stupid! That attitude will get her far, I’m sure
    Winopants recently posted..Beware the Ann CoulterbiestMy Profile

    1. admin

      In fairness, my attitude with some of these future Mensa janitors isn’t getting me very far either. Then again, trying to get anywhere with one of them is right on par with trying to get into a Eunuch’s pants. Take a moment to contemplate everything that’s wrong with that statement and then I’ll welcome you to my plane of existence.

  2. Misty

    Oh, so it won’t actually EXIST next year. But how about Friday at 2:00? If that doesn’t work because the bulding will actually be a pile of rubble for the foreseeable future, I could probably squeeze you in on Thursday at 12:00, but that’s my lunch break, so you are going to have to show it to me quickly and also bring me a pizza if you want me to rent your building that won’t be there to habitate next year. Final offer.
    Misty recently posted..It Looks Just Like You!My Profile

    1. admin

      Thank you so much for understanding exactly how ridiculous this whole conversation was to me…

  3. NATurally Inappropriate

    You shoulda made this long ass, complicated fake ass lease, requiring her to pay a deposit for showing the property, but have it clearly written that the contract is fake, and that there will be no building next year…they don’t read that shit anyway.

    I’m so glad my college student isn’t like this.
    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted..Because it’s Monday…My Profile

    1. admin

      I don’t know if it gets any longer or more complicated than my 23 page lease. As Ken put it, “Wait, you wanted what from me? No.”

  4. Andrea

    Next Monday? Are you free then? Will you be putting up tents next to the rubble that can be rented? Outhouses?

    1. admin

      This city would definitely be lighter on undergrads if we only gave them outhouses instead of plumbing. I’ll have to propose that at the next development meeting…
      admin recently posted..Dumbest phone call ever.My Profile

  5. Valerie

    Yes… I’m gonna go ahead and take your reasonable response and raise you a sack full of dead kittens and some tartar sauce. I’ll see you on Tuesday at high noon. And by Tuesday I mean last Tuesday.. Because I ain’t no punk bitch. Be there or be in a kangaroo’s vagina, which may or may not be located in its pouch.


    Valerie recently posted..If I were a bird, I would fly away… And also shit on people in fancy clothes.My Profile

    1. admin

      I totally need some temporary help in the office next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Hop on the nearest greyhound, get your happy ass to Madison and then answer some phone calls for me? Pretty please?
      admin recently posted..Dumbest phone call ever.My Profile

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