Jul 02

Sorry! I got caught in a ripple of the space/time blanket.

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What’s that, you say? I’ve been missing two consecutive weeks of blogging?  Well, I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob… I’ve been quite busy.

So… if I could just have you blow it out the tailpipe of your $85 moving truck AND your ass, that would be greaaaaat.


I’ve had a lot of showings the last few weeks and managed to rent four out of my last six units on Thursday and Friday.  I also posted a fire sale on Craigslist last week for a bunch of furniture in my house. Why, you ask? Because I’m going to be undertaking that most insidious of 4- letter words. We are getting ready to MOVE.

Our last move from Wisconsin, 6 inches over our allotted space on the moving truck.


We moved so much before coming to Wisconsin that the plan was to stay in our existing place until we were ready to buy a house. Then we got our renewal notice from management. Not only did they jack our rent for the 3rd consecutive lease term, but they also stopped paying for heat, hot water, trash, and water/sewer. We haven’t been putting much money into savings as it is. That extra expense was going to completely b0rk our savings plan.

5:00 am on the day of our cross-country drive. Eat your heart out, American Gothic.


So I did some research, compiled a spreadsheet, scheduled tours for several apartments and we finally settled on one, where I paid a hold deposit. Then, someone went and got themselves murdered there and my husband decided we shouldn’t live there. Because, you know, murders don’t happen in perfectly decent apartment complexes. Ever. That would just be silly. Now that the investigation is over, it turns out that none of the parties involved even lived there. The guy got shot outside the complex in a dispute with some other guy, probably of the drunken variety, and stumbled into one of the buildings along the street to hide/die. The guy they arrested for it? Picked him up at the gas station across the street from my current complex.

So. The move is back on. We’ve downsized about 50 square feet to move into this one, but the layout is much more cohesive. Just to be safe though, I got rid of my bedroom set and stole the smaller set from the guest bedroom. The guest room has been downsized to a daybed that will double as a couch in what will now be a proper office/nerd lair, replete with vintage movie posters and dragons and unicorn farts that I imagine every nerd lair cannot be without. 

I WISH my nerd lair had that display setup. My furniture is nicer, though.

I cleaned out our closets and got rid of a ton of clothes and old sheets, opting to ship them to the Benevolent Queen of Naturally Inappropriate, who will probably end up taking pictures of it all for Misty’s Weekly Whacked before sending it to Goodwill. I’m sure I’ll find a million more things to donate or throw away before it’s time to move, but already, the house is looking a little sparse, and I kind of like it.

One of the more interesting aspects of moving is all the fun conversations it creates:

Me: That box was 22 pounds, 15.5 ounces.
Nat: my husband is going to be like “wtfg.”
Me: Just look him straight in the eye and say simply, “Cancer clothes.” Just for shits and giggles.
Nat: Wtf are cancer clothes
Me:  These are the clothes I was fitting into during/after cancer therapy.
Nat: I’m fat.  Why you send me skinny clothes?
Me: Most of these are going to end up being for your daughter, but there are a few things in there that I believe will fit you, plus the queen sheets.
Nat: lmfao! I thought you said ‘like’ the queen sheets, to which i was thinking ‘o.O’
Me: Wow, that would’ve been a dick move, even for me.

You all know that you can totally hear those words coming out of my mouth.


So as my husband was picking up this enormous bag of clothes to carry to the car for me (I was holding coffee and a muffin — Priorities, people.), he took one look at our apartment and said, “I hope all this stuff fits in the new place.” *facepalm* Because we totally didn’t just get rid of an entire bedroom set. It was all a figment of his imagination. Of course that means I can spend the proceeds of the furniture sale on hookers and blow, right?  Because that will also be a product of his imagination, right? No?

In that case, pardon me. I need to go make sure the life insurance policies are current. One or more of us may not be surviving this simple cross-town move.


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  1. Ken

    Actually those guys with the moving company did us a solid by not counting those few extra inches. Saved us over a hundred bucks as I recall.

  2. bluzdude

    God, I hate moving. That’s the only reason I’m still in the same apartment for 15 years (where they raise the rent every single year.) Packing the truck is like playing Tetris in 3-D, for money.

    1. admin

      We moved a lot when I was a kid, so I’m good at Tetris for money. I hate doing it, but if it saves me $1200 a year…

  3. Valerie

    I suck at moving… I literally throw everything into a box. Or sometime just in the garbage. And why is it I always end up finding a dead hooker under all the crap I keep in my basement….

    I totally sympathize. (And also, i hear Lowes is having a sale on lime… Just in case)



  4. Misty

    Oh my god, moving is the worst!! I hope the next time I have to move, it is when they move my cold dead body our of my current home! The packing and the organizing and the actual moving and the UN-fucking-packing and organizing AGAIN. No. Just no.

    But, you know, good luck with that!! 😉

    1. admin

      In fairness, I got rid of a lot of stuff. I’ll probably get rid of a lot more too. Somewhere around my 87th move 5 years ago, I stopped buying books just so that I don’t have to pack them. I’m getting to that point with DVDs.

  5. HeatherRose

    The first time I moved by myself from Nashville to Austin, I hired some shady-ass company to haul my crap, because hello – broke college graduate. Naturally, my shit didn’t show up until 3 weeks past the scheduled delivery date, so I spent those many, many nights sleeping on a leaky air mattress and trying to stack suitcases to resemble a dresser of some sort. The second big move, from Austin to DC, we threw everything in a pod, and it worked out great – mainly because the pod and the fiance got to DC before I did, and he did all the unpacking work (and by *all* I mean we still have about 8-10 sealed boxes in our hall closet that I haven’t bothered to open in 2 years). That’s by far the best method for moving, though – make someone else do it for you.

    1. admin

      We did the U-Pack thing on the way here from California, but we still had to pack it, load it, drive it to the facility, and pack it on their truck. I could do a pod this time around, but really, it’s 5 miles between our current place and the new one. That’s a lot of money to shell out for something I should be able to do in an afternoon.

  6. Ally

    Wow. Good luck with the move and not getting murdered.

    1. admin

      You know what they say – if it’s your time to go, you’d better bring your A-game, motherfucker. I’m not goin’ without a fight.

  7. NATurally Inappropriate

    Cancer clothes. Lulz. That shit hasn’t arrived yet, but Jay really IS going to kill me. It will be worth it, though, for the sheets.

    1. admin

      I’m still perturbed that those haven’t shown up yet. Ten to one says your mail carrier is hiding it under a jacket until his next sick day so that someone else has to carry it to the door.

  8. Danielle Geer (@deathbycupakes)

    I’ve moved 23 times since turning 18. I’m ready to die in this teensy weensy dreary little apartment, just so I don’t ever have to do it again.

    Truest fucking story ever.

    1. admin

      That’s how I felt about this place too, but when the increase in your living expenses starts to pass $100 a month, and you’re not getting anything in return, you start to rediscover your definition of flexibility.

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