What’s that, you say? I’ve been missing two consecutive weeks of blogging? Well, I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob… I’ve been quite busy.
I’ve had a lot of showings the last few weeks and managed to rent four out of my last six units on Thursday and Friday. I also posted a fire sale on Craigslist last week for a bunch of furniture in my house. Why, you ask? Because I’m going to be undertaking that most insidious of 4- letter words. We are getting ready to MOVE.
We moved so much before coming to Wisconsin that the plan was to stay in our existing place until we were ready to buy a house. Then we got our renewal notice from management. Not only did they jack our rent for the 3rd consecutive lease term, but they also stopped paying for heat, hot water, trash, and water/sewer. We haven’t been putting much money into savings as it is. That extra expense was going to completely b0rk our savings plan.
So I did some research, compiled a spreadsheet, scheduled tours for several apartments and we finally settled on one, where I paid a hold deposit. Then, someone went and got themselves murdered there and my husband decided we shouldn’t live there. Because, you know, murders don’t happen in perfectly decent apartment complexes. Ever. That would just be silly. Now that the investigation is over, it turns out that none of the parties involved even lived there. The guy got shot outside the complex in a dispute with some other guy, probably of the drunken variety, and stumbled into one of the buildings along the street to hide/die. The guy they arrested for it? Picked him up at the gas station across the street from my current complex.
So. The move is back on. We’ve downsized about 50 square feet to move into this one, but the layout is much more cohesive. Just to be safe though, I got rid of my bedroom set and stole the smaller set from the guest bedroom. The guest room has been downsized to a daybed that will double as a couch in what will now be a proper office/nerd lair, replete with vintage movie posters and dragons and unicorn farts that I imagine every nerd lair cannot be without.
I cleaned out our closets and got rid of a ton of clothes and old sheets, opting to ship them to the Benevolent Queen of Naturally Inappropriate, who will probably end up taking pictures of it all for Misty’s Weekly Whacked before sending it to Goodwill. I’m sure I’ll find a million more things to donate or throw away before it’s time to move, but already, the house is looking a little sparse, and I kind of like it.
One of the more interesting aspects of moving is all the fun conversations it creates:
Me: That box was 22 pounds, 15.5 ounces.
Nat: my husband is going to be like “wtfg.”
Me: Just look him straight in the eye and say simply, “Cancer clothes.” Just for shits and giggles.
Nat: Wtf are cancer clothes
Me: These are the clothes I was fitting into during/after cancer therapy.
Nat: I’m fat. Why you send me skinny clothes?
Me: Most of these are going to end up being for your daughter, but there are a few things in there that I believe will fit you, plus the queen sheets.
Nat: lmfao! I thought you said ‘like’ the queen sheets, to which i was thinking ‘o.O’
Me: Wow, that would’ve been a dick move, even for me.
So as my husband was picking up this enormous bag of clothes to carry to the car for me (I was holding coffee and a muffin — Priorities, people.), he took one look at our apartment and said, “I hope all this stuff fits in the new place.” *facepalm* Because we totally didn’t just get rid of an entire bedroom set. It was all a figment of his imagination. Of course that means I can spend the proceeds of the furniture sale on hookers and blow, right? Because that will also be a product of his imagination, right? No?
In that case, pardon me. I need to go make sure the life insurance policies are current. One or more of us may not be surviving this simple cross-town move.