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Mar 26

Bitches got 99 problems, but not one of ’em is mine.

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So, no post Friday. You know what, haters? Suck it. I spent 3 days (including all day Friday) sifting, sorting, and moving approximately 18 years of files packed not-so-neatly into 120 water damaged, deteriorating archive boxes. The good news is that a project 10 years in the making is complete and my thighs and butt feel a little tighter. The bad news is that I have bruises in the most inopportune places and despite my fastidious employment of “lift with your knees,” my hips, back, arms, and abs feel like I’ve been worked over by Mike Tyson, pre-anger management (and ear biting).

So this morning, we’re back to business as usual, including the continuing saga of the suicidal roommates. Having met with 2 out of the 3, I am forced to conclude that they should all be Darwin food, and in fact, they may yet kill each other. This is the first weekend in longer than I can remember that I didn’t check or reply to work emails and I opened my inbox this morning to find that I’d been CC’d on 6 emails between the lot of them. And every single one of them was written with the intent of leveling insults meant to inspire tears like most middle school drama.

Girl fight

It was the text equivalent of this, only neither is this hot.

Did I mention that these kids are 21 and 22 years old? I replied to all of them with 2 simple sentences:

“We do not mediate disputes among tenants. Please limit your correspondence with office staff to matters pertaining to your lease agreement.” Of course, because this is me we’re talking about, I got a reply from one of them right away, CC everyone.

“I am very disappointed that you’re not treating this situation with the gravity it deserves. If things break down here and the worst should happen, I hope you can live with yourself knowing you did nothing to prevent it.”

Don't like my answer? Boo fucking hoo. Grow up.

Bitch, say what? Hell to the motherfucking NO YOU DID NOT just make me read your passive aggressive bullshit.  “Landlord has no obligation to act as a babysitter. You are legal adults and you should be able to settle your own disputes without resorting to this kind of petty, childish name calling. However, from the tone of your message, it would appear that you are making threats of violence against other tenants in the building and now I have a legal obligation to report this to the police. I will leave this matter in their capable hands.”

And that’s exactly what I did. I don’t have time for a bunch of women (or effeminate gay men in this case) who expect me to cater to their petty insecurities, and apparently most women in general are cursed with an overabundance. I expect that several women will become righteously indignant over this statement. I just want you to know that I encourage the hateful comments which will leave me feeling vindicated and I promise that it will not bother me one bit.

I’ve been accused on more than one occasion of being an insensitive bitch. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to step back from their (mostly mental) issues, build a bridge and get the fuck over it. Sure, bitch I may be, but I’d rather be called insensitive than crippled by insecurity any day. Anyone who knows me also knows that I’m a generous, caring person, and anyone else can go wallow in their miserable fuckery somewhere else.

I can assure you that this is no Shakespeare tragedy, nor are you as poetically tragic as you'd like to believe.

It’s easy for me to avoid the insecurity trap because I know who I am and I’m ultimately happy with myself. In that respect, I know that I’m emotionally better off than most people in this world and so I don’t care so much what the unhappy people think about me. To be blunt, I’ll give a flying fuck with a rolling donut about other people’s opinions of me when those opinions stop being rooted in how I can conform to their wildly vascillating ideals.

I approve! J'Accuse! Wait, why are my panties in a wad again?

To be emotionally secure means to trust yourself above all others, but it also has a major asshole component to it. How do you discount or outright dismiss the opinions of all the people you interact with on a daily basis instead of allowing those opinions to alter how you feel about yourself? If we’re being perfectly honest here, it’s because you see them as a lesser person than yourself. Whether or not it’s true is irrelevant. The fact is, you found something about your critics, real or imagined, that led you to say, “I’m better than you are so your opinion of me is insignificant.” A harsh assessment of human nature, but an honest one nonetheless. There’s nothing wrong with it, per se, as long as you can separate petty, vindictive spite from constructive criticism. If you can’t, stop talking to me and spend some time taking a long hard look at yourself. Nine out ten times that you find yourself unhappy, you’re the cause for it.

We all have personal struggles in this life. There’s no point in making those more difficult by mind fucking yourself. You know the people whose opinions you hold in high regard. Be a person that they’d be proud of, and more importantly still – be a person that you can be proud of. Everyone else is just contentious noise.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Monday post involving food, booze, or in this case, both.

Charity gave me a great recipe for a pork tenderloin that I really wanted to try, but then I had a bottle of red wine that I had to take the vacuum sealer out of to cap another, newer bottle. Despite sitting out overnight, I cannot let perfectly good red wine go to waste. So Charity’s pork tenderloin became my alcoholic pork tenderloin with a red wine-balsamic reduction and fluffy homemade mashed potatoes.

Since everyone has their preferences for preparation of pork, I’ll leave that part to you. Personally, I like mine pan seared on high heat, and then grilled over medium heat until there’s just a little pink left in the middle. You may want yours oven roasted and well done. To each his own-  The important part here is the reduction.

Honeyed Red Wine-Balsamic Reduction

2 tbsp unsalted butter
2 tbsp. minced garlic
1 c. red wine (sweet would work as well as dry since you’ll be adding honey anyway.)
3 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp. fresh thyme (or 2 tsp dried)
3 tbps. honey

Melt the butter and saute garlic 2-3 minutes until your kitchen is alive with the scent of stinking rose. Do not burn! Add red wine and thyme and scrape any garlic from bottom of pan. Simmer until reduced by half. Strain to remove garlic and thyme and return wine to pan. Add balsamic vinegar and honey and continue to simmer until mixture coats the back of a metal spoon. Serve over pork. Sing my praises for sharing the secret of this magical meat elixir.

10 comments

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  1. Misty

    Gah! You are such an uncaring insensitive BITCH!

    HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF??

    Oh, yeah, I remember now . . . lots and lots of wine.

    Carry on . . .

    :)
    Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Sip Bacardi Like It’s Ya Birthday!My Profile

    1. admin

      Oh, yes. Lots and lots. I just had 6 bottles delivered to my desk today, as a matter of fact.

      And as any wise person knows, any day that brings delivery of a half case of wine is a good day, no matter what else happens.

  2. Transformed Nonconformist

    The whole post was awesome. Living to please other people and allowing yourself to get drug down in their self-inflicted drama will make for a miserable life.
    Transformed Nonconformist recently posted..Hop Along SundayMy Profile

    1. admin

      For a second I read something about drugged down existence, and I was wondering if I’d accidentally posted a draft. The drugs are completely different, but equally infuriating post.

  3. Britt

    Wonderful.

    I applaud you for refraining from getting involved in their petty bullshit. As a woman, who dates women, I can affirm that we’re all fucking crazy. It’s a good thing that I like crazy… to a degree.

    Also, I *really* like that your post ended in a recipe.

    1. admin

      Well, you know what they say – fucked in the head, better in bed.

  4. Jana

    Damn you you insensitive BITCH!!!

    PS – When you visit, you will cook for me.
    Jana recently posted..Eating yourself and nothing….cause I have nothingMy Profile

    1. admin

      I will cook AND bring wine. I long for the days when all my friends weren’t pregnant and unable to drink.

  5. Charity

    I have so many things to say about this post.

    1. I totes need to know what the po-po said.
    2. WTF are those bitches fighting over?
    3. Your job sounds way more awesome than mine.

    And finally– as to the insensitive bitch comment. I get that a lot. It’s probs why I love you.
    Charity recently posted..Did you know there are porn rules?My Profile

    1. admin

      The bitches and their bitchy gay roommate are all ridiculously high maintenance and simply not compatible as roommates. That’s my assessment, anyway. I don’t care what their fucking problem is. I told the police that it wasn’t necessary to contact me regarding the outcome unless I’m legally required to begin proceedings to remove them from the premises.

      And hey, being an insensitive bitch is what makes me so fucking good at what I do. It just also makes me need 1-2 bottles of wine a week.

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