Oct 24

Bad taste in movies? You’d better believe that’s a paddlin’.

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Okay, so maybe I spend a little much time in the Simpsons universe too. Dumb by osmosis. Whatevs. My point, which I shall get to in a moment, is that communication is key in a marriage, lest one spouse bring home a cinematic aberration which causes undue suffering of the other.

Bend over, Honey.

 So because Netflix kind of pissed us off, we went and got a membership to a local video store. Since it was a quiet weekend at home (being that I have to make about 50 different craft items for a show in 2 weeks), we tried to get some of the movies that we weren’t fortunate enough to catch while they were in the theaters. Things I wanted to see: Bad Teacher. Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger Tides. Horrible Bosses. What Ken brought home: Your Highness.

“They didn’t have the other movies on anything but Blu-Ray, so I got Your Highness.”

“Gawd, why?!? You could have rented the Blu-ray for my laptop and I would have just connected it to the TV with that nifty HDMI cable over there. Why do you hate me? Why do you hate technology?”

Fine. Whatever. I figured I’d spend more time looking at my needlework than the screen. Yet this movie was still, far and away, the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen Dumb and Dumber twice). I spent just shy of 90 minutes fighting the urge to stab myself in the eyes with a tapestry needle, for fear of getting blood on my craft project. The object of my deepest affections just guffawed through the whole damn thing, mostly at my psychopathic twitching, I’d wager.

“Ken, this is utterly retarded in the most offensive and Special Olympics kind of way.”

“Yeah, I know. I have no idea why you insisted on renting it.”

Yes, he redeemed himself to an extent by getting Pirates 4 the next day, but it was the steak dinner to celebrate our anniversary that truly made it up to me. I think I’ll keep him around for a while. Unless he makes me sit through Dumb and Dumber.


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  1. Dani

    I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that Dumb and Dumber is my husbands favorite movie.

    Truest fucking story ever.

    And to make it even better? When he watches it (which he does… every time my boys come home to visit, because it’s “their” movie… GAHHH!) he SAYS THE LINES RIGHT BEFORE THE ACTOR SAYS THEM.

    Urge. To. Kill.

    It’s like watching Dumb and Dumber in stereo, only with Chinese actors mouthing the lines while a dubbed in voice says the line, then it stutters and repeats it.

    Kill me. Kill me now.
    Dani recently posted..Passive Aggressive Facebooking: Decoded and UnpluggedMy Profile

  2. admin

    Oh.my.fucking.god. My husband’s family does that with National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It took me years to be able to watch that movie without getting all twitchy and stabby.

    Even worse was at our rehearsal dinner last year wherein my family meets his family for the first time and my brother and Ken’s youngest brother spent the entire time reciting whole movie scripts in between alcoholic drinks. I swear, I wanted to put my head through the lovely stained glass window of our private dining room.

    1. Dani

      Oh my effing Lord… my husband and his family do the same damn thing. My family will sit there, prim and proper and smiling politely while his family chugs beer and recites The Best of Times, Dumb and Dumber, A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation (spent last weekend with his parents… every 5 seconds someone said either, “I don’t KNOW, Margo!” or “Grace died 50 years ago!”), etc. etc. etc. fucking etc.

      The first time he met my mom he described his sister and brother in law as being “Lloyd and Harry.” My mother didn’t have a clue… thank GOD.
      Dani recently posted..Further Conversations With Dan, Where Once Again, I’m An AssholeMy Profile

      1. admin

        My inlaws flew out to visit at the beginning of the month and their trip required a layover in Denver. So once they got here, every time someone would mention Denver, one of them would chime in with, “Man, that John Denver’s full of shit.” Every single one of them, at least once. I rolled my eyes so many times that I gave myself a migraine.

  3. Paula @ thewilyweez

    I really like dumb and dumber (I know, shut up!), but even I didn’t want to see your highness!
    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..My Husband’s Newsfeed Is Far More Interesting Than MineMy Profile

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