Aug 10

Adventures in Bureaucratic Pencil Pushing, or, Why the Wisconsin DMV Can Blow Me.

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Having been here for just over 60 days, the state of Wisconsin requires that I obtain my Wisconsin Driver License. I got online and looked up all the documents I needed to bring with me, completed and printed the application, and headed to the DMV with Ken.

We presented at the counter to receive our ticket where the condescending horse’s ass at the counter proceeded to speak to me as though I were there for an ice cream cone rather than a driver license. He very slowly, chewing each and every word carefully, ran down a list of all the documents I needed to have with me BEFORE HE WOULD GIVE ME A TICKET TO WAIT IN LINE. I showed him each document as he ticked through his checklist. When he got to the document establishing residence in the state of Wisconsin, I gave him the printed statement from the power company. Now, Ken and I are both on the bill, but only his name appears on the printed copy, so an MG&E rep assured us that a written statement naming me as a resident would be sufficient. That bitch lied.

Captain condescending whipped out a piece of paper and circled the documents he would accept as proof of residency. I don’t have 75% of them, and while my new bank account statement would qualify, I won’t receive my first statement for over a week. He went on to concede that a statement on bank letterhead would suffice, so off to the bank we went, clear over in Middleton.

We returned to the DMV 45 minutes later with statements from Chase containing name and current address, which were summarily rejected. Why? Because it didn’t show any account activity. So we drove all the way home, I logged into my online banking and pulled up the only account statement available to me, and we drove all the way back. By this time, it was 12:20 and lunchtime at the DMV, although I hadn’t even had breakfast. A new face was at the counter and she ran down the same list again, albeit less like a condescending twat. She looked at my bank account statement and then rejected it. Why now? Because it doesn’t show a span of thirty days.

“Acceptable documents for proof of Wisconsin residency… 4. An account statement at least 30 days old from a Wisconsin financial institution. The statement must show activity.

All we got by way of explanation was a “sorry for the ambiguous wording, but today we mean that it needs to show 30 days worth of local activity.”

I’ve lived here for 63 days and my name will be on our lease tomorrow morning. I thought that surely a lease would be good enough for the DMV, but I’ve been informed otherwise. Not even my lease agreement; a document stating my name, address, and a contractual intent to make monthly payments on a physical residence; are valid to establish proof of residency with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

You assholes at the DMV are damn lucky that I don’t have the power to Force Choke you redneck chicken fuckers.

1 comment

  1. Alan

    Not to be a stuffed shirt but Im not sure this will work the way they are intdneing. Although it seems it is a step in the right direction the average person isnt going to adhere to the law and the penalty isnt severe enough to cause people to want to abide by it. its a shame too. Most of the traffic situations are caused by drivers not paying attention to the driving.Thats my soapbox. ~Rob

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